What is Love? Does it really come freely and willingly?

What is Love? ….A song with that title came out on the dance floor in the early ‘90s from the singer ‘Haddaway’ asking this very question with his course;  

 

“What is Love?”
                                                            Oh Baby, don’t hurt me
                                                            Don’t hurt me                        

No more….

                                                                      

This song was out a few years after my first divorce which when it was over finally, I felt that I could once breath again and be myself.  The lesson for me was that there really was no “true love” from either one of us, which I knew before we even started.  This was my first experience with having those “gut” feelings that something wasn’t right and this weirdness made me even feel sick.  It all started at a dance club (no plans on meeting up with anyone) when he asked me to dance and I replied ‘no thanks’ and he mentioned that we dance together last weekend which I responded that I didn’t remember that.  My friend looked at me puzzled and said yes you did, but til this day I really don’t remember meeting him before.  She urged me to dance with him so I did and even though it was fun that’s all I wanted to happen, I just didn’t feel comfortable with him.  So I ended it by saying I was tired and not feeling well which was kinda of true but not the real reason.  My friend was confused cause she thought he was cute, charming and fun which in fact he was but just something didn’t sit right but I couldn’t put my finger on it.  Needless to say he kept trying and his charmed gave in so I continued the relationship, got married and years later found out the reasons why I had that strong intense sickly gut feeling.  It was another era where at 22 years old never having a true relationship my elders as well as friends my age that were already married with kids were telling me that I must be ‘picky’ waiting for the perfect one.  Mind you at this age I was in roughly 8 weddings and a few I was the maid of honor, yet I was still the one without a boyfriend.  I have been told through the years by many that they couldn’t understand why I could not find that ‘love of my life’ and honestly so was I, which am sure some of you I have heard that as well.   

Later in life a realization came to me after a lot of pain and really hard hard lessons that “my soul” is not to be tied down.  This may seem to not fit the normal standards especially back in my era in my Cuban culture for the idea was to marry, buy a house and start a family.  It all seem well yet the two men I married apparently did not receive the same memo, (long story) so the goals were not the same goals we had before we got married.  So years passed and that song “What is Love? came out and it made me realized that it wasn’t my heart that got broken but my pride.  As I have been in complete peace with living alone since 2010, there is a childhood memory that came back to me when I was around 13 years old and went to a family friend’s house and some of us teenagers played with a Ouija Game Board that the family owned so we played with it not really knowing what to expect.  Well the girls asked about getting married and having kids.  The memory I had was there were a few that got a “yes” answer and the number of kids, then when I asked it said “no” and nothing for kids.  Even as a teenager for me a ‘no’ response without reasons was frustrating to me for I felt it was ignoring me (don’t put logic into this please LOL) so I screamed at the board, yes I sure did, and boy it responded alright.  It went straight to this seance picture and again I screamed scared and frustrated then it went to it again and the moving thing flew off or did something for I know it scared me that I couldn’t sleep that night.  I never played with it again until my adult years and we did a white light and purification but now it doesn’t feel right at all those are very tricky boards and not good energy.  I did though have to come to terms that it was a correct answer after all, for I have no kids of my own and have been single longer than I have been married.  

So what is Love and in the search for it do some of us “settle” for the ideal format of it or some may choice it due to necessity and some due to having been promised (arranged marriages) to another since they were children.  The great thing is that even if it was not the ideal true love type of marriage there has been many that grew into loving each other.  This emotion of “love” is a very big market not only here in the US but honestly around the world for with a lot of these streaming networks that gives us opportunities to see other cultures.  These are my favorite shows and movies for I know they do exist because my parents were one of these love stories and they had their struggles but their love always shined through, so these stories do happen with some marriages maybe the 50% that are still married.  

The first thing that is the key factor is that each of these couples that are in this blessed true love, they love and respect themselves first then their mate.  This was very apparent when I watched a show with a respectful professional “matchmaker” for single adults from India as well as those living in the US and around the world within the same culture.  Some were very successful with the arrangements and others were not for both parties had to be in agreement so even if matched they can always say “no”. The ones that couldn’t find their match either it was they were personally not ready (mainly emotionally) and others found their connection with another by fate.  The vibe I picked up from some was they were not really confident if they were good enough which is a very harsh thought in which I still struggle with in many facets of my life.  This is one main clue that most of us get involved with the wrong person and let ourselves be trapped in a relationship that is destroying us instead of bringing out the best in us.  

This is the not the way that love should be for LOVE should not really hurt in this way, at least not for the party getting hurt.  This is not about what your reasons are to be married but the reasons why are you really pushing it away.  This question only oneself can only answer and if it’s fear then that is when you work on finding out the true reason for that fear if not you might miss your “true love”.  So What is Love?  Love can be many things and in many different formats, for you have love of family, friends, co-workers etc. etc…..but for the sake of the romance kind then this is really what should always matter.  

There should always be respect, friendship, support, caring, understanding, listening, asking and never assuming how the other one feels or thinks.  One of my friends father had said; “Marriage is not the 50/50 rule for it is the 100/100 rule, meaning that both partners but in their 100% into the marriage to make it work.  This is the main ingredient and a the key for every successful relationship wether romantic or friendship, for if you can’t trust and respect each other then it is more out of convenience then actual love.  Now will there be chances that we do slip, yes of course we are never ever meant to be perfect but make sure you don’t slip so far that the return will be more difficult or may be forever lost.  

There are those that we have loved in our past but it did not grow into more yet those are still fond memories which made us stronger and helped us in our journey in a positive way.  Not all our loves are meant to last forever and like not all of us are meant to be sharing our lives with another.  Just make sure if you do fall in love that there are more positive signs then negative ones and as I was told by a VIP client of mine; “When in Doubt, Get OUT!!  These are five simple words but very true and ones to follow, this is not about fear of not being able to be “the perfect spouse” but the one that if you can not see yourself with this person in the future then really think about it deeply!  

Your true love is the person that will inspire you to be the best you and you inspire them to be the best of themselves.  We are not to change anyone for that is not our job we can only lead if we have the knowledge and they themselves do the rest for we can only change ourselves so if there is something that you need to work on to improve who you are then do that for that is “true love” to yourself.  Treat yourself first for we can not give to another what we don’t give to ourselves first and this is loving yourself which is the first thing to accomplish before you try giving and trusting another with your heart.  If your route is to journey life with no partner that is completely ok but if Love happens to find you don’t be afraid to give it a chance as long as it fulfills you and puts more sparkles into your life.  My story is not finished and if the “true love” is meant to find me I know that it will but only if God sends him to me for I know he will choose the right one for ME.

With much love and blessings…..

Maria E. Padron - Ordained Minister, LMT, Energy/Reiki LightWorker, and Life Coach