Abuse and the Ripples it Creates

When we get abused in our life for some of us, we are grateful that we don't become like our abusers and be abusive to others.  So from my experience I thought I overcame that situation and was proud that I did not become like my abuser.  The one person I forgot about was myself and in turn became a different type of abuser.  Reviewing other articles and listening to stories on television there is a cycle that occurs and even though what was being shown was a more aggressive type of abuse or how we continue to be victims there is another type that I became aware of which hides in so many different ways that it is misdiagnosed.  The ones I became aware of which some people will show all signs some will show a few or the opposite are; not disciplined, under achiever, disorganized, not motivated, procrastinator, follower, controlling, weight issues, money issues just to name a  few.  One may feel that they have a handle on the past abuse because of the awareness of what was done and some have even forgiven the person, yet somehow it keeps showing in your life in subtle ways.  Some will even take on partners that in some way will be abusive, not necessarily in the same way but in some other form so relating the two becomes more difficult.  One may even subconsciously train our children to abuse us as well, this is all in a subtle way and it can become more evident if you do not become aware of it.  The children-parent relationship can become harsher and more painful as the child matures. 

The definition of abuse is - a corrupt practice or custom, improper or excessive use or treatment, to use wrongly or improperly and with emotional abuse it is treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity and self-worth.  As humans we always strive to please others and as do domestic animals with their owners and the desire to receive attention is so powerful that all beings (humans and animals) will get it being good, bad or indifferent.  A study done on a baby chimpanzee who was taken from his mother perfectly healthy at a young age and left on it's own just given food and water for over a month start to become unhealthy and almost crippled.  When love and attention was reintroduced to the baby chimpanzee it started immediately thriving with it's health and growth. This is how important love, acceptance and attention is in all living beings warm and cold blooded.  Even in the sea rarely do you see group of sea life on their own.  So when this attention is given in a improper or deceitful way it affects us in our core.  So when this pain is locked inside of us for whatever reason we choose mainly it is so there will be no judgment or for safety reasons, it does start showing up in us being abusive to ourselves.  Even if we become an abuser there is still self-abuse that happens addictive behaviors are part of that which everyone diagnoses as a disease but a physical one not an emotional one. 

It is difficult to believe that we can be an abuser to ourselves yet the majority of us do, take a good look at your life and see what issues keep repeating itself.  Take a look at your habits and if they are giving you negative results this is where you can learn if you are being abusive to yourself.  Even those who like to work out so extensively that they cause themselves pain or who follow such a strict diet that they are losing the nutrients that their bodies need as a form of punishment.  Some are continuously being in debt due to overspending, eating unhealthy, over eating, unorganized (either emotionally or physically), unmotivated with life, sensitive to criticism, giving into temptations, addictions in any form, rejecting advise from others, whatever may be causing you to not move forward in life or progress and be unhappy.  It has been labeled as different things like depression or anxiety and people are given a pill and on we are sent in the world without the problem being solved.  Some state it is a chemical imbalance but it is not disclosed that this imbalance is due to emotional issues from the past that it is stored in your body and does not just disappear.  It will show up later in life as a health issue or self-destructive behavior no mater how minor it might start to be as we get older that behavior becomes a habit and that habit becomes hatred towards our lives and the path it has taken. 

Abuse also has many colors for it is not always done in a negative way, confused, yes so was I when I watched a show on Dr. Phil on "Uncontrollable Toddlers".  Dr. Phil informed a parent that not correcting and the lack of discipline with a child is a form of abuse!  Wow talk about a "light bulb" moment, I would of never looked at it in that way.  It made perfect sense when he explained it, for you cripple a child when you give into all their desires for that shelters them from the world and they will not be able to function as adults.  The world will not give you all that you desire you have to earn it not demand it.  Also others will not tolerate your temper tantrums so as parents or guardians we have to discipline children so they understand the consequences in life.  It is even written in the bible and has been written many times how children are to be shown how to behave and work hard to prepare them for life.  In reality we all have some form of abuse that we experience and not all of it was with family members or are they elders.  No matter how hard parents try to protect their children as kids we will be expose to it by their peers, teachers, priests, nuns, pastors, clergy staff, etc....  The world is full of those ready to harm others on purpose or not, some more subtle then others.  As we can not live in a plastic bubble or put our children in one, what then can we do?  First thing I can say is to become aware and the second thing I will mention is to Pray to God for protection as well as wisdom.  When you find your self repeating actions that you know are not bringing positive effects then it's time to look deeper and see why you keep repeating those actions. 
That process can be done in many different methods like counseling spiritual or with psychologist, working with the subconscious mind with healing techniques like Somato Emotional Release and/or Emotion Code (both of those methods I offer), Tapping Technique aka EFT  or Hypnosis, which ever method you feel may work for you.  There are also support groups of the addictive issues that you may have that within a certain time frame they may help you get to the root cause of your addictive behavior.  The path to healing is available and the sooner you receive help to come to an awareness and how to work through it the better.  Do keep in mind that some of the techniques help you find the situation that requires your attention but further healing may be needed.  You and your practitioner should come to terms on which therapy will work best for you.  Every person is different so it is important to follow what your instincts tell you to follow.  Keep in mind that connection is very important at times the practitioner can become like the abusers and want to control your therapies and that should not happen.  It is a discussion and you should always feel safe and not judged, if this happens don't stop the therapy but change the therapist. 

In the past I have tried self help books and they have given me some insights but I did not work on these issues with others and I found myself repeating the same mistakes and worse I berated myself because of it.  One thing I have learn we are more verbally abusive to ourselves then others are with us.  Really think about it when you do an error what do you say, "oh that's o.k. you tried anyways but it just didn't work out lets figure out why", or do you say "you stupid idiot what were you thinking once again you are not paying attention and you messed up".  Which scenario honestly fits you and most important how often does it occur.?   This is a very important note to take the emotions we experienced in life and some can have been tragic events and not any particular abuse but these events caused emotions inside of us and if they were not dealt with it is locked in your body somewhere and then will show up later in life as a disease or aliment causing us pain.  For abusive conditions these are mainly formed in destructive behaviors to ourselves and/or to others no matter how recognizable or subtle it may be it still does occur. 

One thing that has helped me a lot and I have been practicing more often now is that when I feel stuck, I pray to God and ask for guidance as well as asking Jesus to take my hand for support.  There is comfort for me there and within a few days there will be information that appears or a person that will mention a similar situation like mine without me asking or discussing my situation or concerns and their discussion helps answer mine.  So it has been proven to me many times as they say " Ask God and God will deliver" at the moment you may not understand or like the answer but in time you will notice that it was the best that happened to set you in the right path for you.  How long you take to work on those issues will depend on you but just know that things will continue to come into your life to show you there is something you need to work on.  We have "Free Will" so we always need to "ask for assistance"  for God's desire is for us to live our best life and to complete our mission here on Earth.  So there will be universal signs that he will send and will be delivered by his messengers either Heavenly or Earthly bond, but these messages will be sent.  The sooner we correct the past issues, the sooner our path will be clear bringing us joy and fulfillment in life. 

If you have repeated behaviors and habits that are affecting your life in a negative way, seek the answers from your past, don't be shameful of the answers you may find, just seek assistance and don't do this alone.  Once you are aware then the behavior and habits can start to change but first letting go of the fear and the crutch will be one of the hardest steps that will be taken.  It is a work that does need to be done daily for the longer you hold on to the pain the harder it is to completely be "Free of the Abuse".  Just know you are not alone and if you can't find someone or can't afford to seek help, pray to God for assistance he will not fail you.  Do listen though and be prepared to receive in the manner he has given to you even if it is not your normal belief system.  Deep inside you know it is the right person so don't let your fear get in the way. 

With love always and be strong you are here for a reason even if it's to tell "your story"!